The interloper

Picture Linus with his blankets. Now multiply that by two and add a frog head to one and a bear to the other.  That is my son.  When he is tired he will take his soft blankets and rub them against his cheek, or lie on the floor with them under his head like a pillow.  When he lies down at night he makes sure he has one grasped tightly in each chubby little fist.  He knows that his blankets belong in the crib for bedtime, but he loves to reach between the crib slats and rescue them.  During the great prison break he grabs his pacifier as well, pops it his mouth and takes off with the blankets, giggling and toddling down the hall.  Invariably he steps on a blanket and slows down, gets distracted by something more exciting like a puzzle or the chance to go downstairs, and then he very solemnly takes the paci out of his mouth, throwing it and the blankets down simultaneously with both hands.   He doesn’t just accidentally drop one in his tracks along the way, rather it is a very deliberate and dramatic gesture.  “Now I am through with bedtime things and ready to play!”

  As heartwarming as it is to see Nicholas cuddled up with his blankies, my husband and I recently realized the seriousness of the attachment he has to them.  After hearing a horror story of a friend losing her son’s lovey and having to expedite a replacement one at an exorbitant fee, we decided to purchase a backup blanket, an emergency blanket if you will, in case Nicholas lost one or both!  Now, of course exact replicas of these two blankets are no longer in production.  The manufacturers change out the designs every season.  So Andy decided to purchase a “similar” blanket.  This one also had a blue blanket and a bear head, but the bear head was brown rather than blue, and stitched on the front was a tiny car.  Nicholas LOVES cars and trucks, so he thought this would be perfect. Boy, were we dead wrong.  Not only did Nicholas not take to the new blanket, he immediately and vehemently despised it.  If we tried to hand it to him, he would fuss and make a terrible face, pushing the blanket away or grabbing it and throwing it aside in disgust.  This “interloper” was not only disliked, it was not welcome in Nicholas’ sphere of toys. 

  We sadly retired the discarded bear blanket to the toy bin and set about to try phase two of our backup blanket plan.  Did you know that there is a huge market for second hand loveys on ebay?  $40 later we had procured two identical substitutes.  We received our highly anticipated backup blankets in the mail within a week, and hesitatingly offered them to our little blanket connoisseur.   His eyes widened as he saw TWO frogs and TWO bears.  We held our breath, and then collectively sighed in relief as his smile widened and he grabbed for the blankets.  The only problem is that he now loves to grab all four and race around the house!  And yes, he is just a little bit spoiled :).  

    picture staged for dramatic effect :).

A boy and his bike

There is something about a boy and his first bike. A bond instantly created--eyes light up when he sees that shiny red metal.
  Nicholas recently inherited a rusty radio flyer tricycle from the neighbors.  Aside from the rust it's in great shape.  The pedals still move the wheels, and most importantly, the bell chimes a distinct-brrriing!  I didn't even realize Nicholas knew the word bike, until he pointed at it in the corner of the porch, hidden behind the rocking chair and tangled amidst cobwebs, and distinctly said "BK."  His vowels are a bit muted, but the consonants came out strong and clear.  He won't be able to even touch the pedals, I thought, but nevertheless I wheeled out the bike and wiped it clean.  Nicholas climbed astride the metal frame eagerly, and firmly grasped both handlebars as if he already knew what he was doing.  He left his feet astride either side, but when I encouraged him to fit them to the pedals, they reached!  I gently pushed him down the driveway, and his smile widened from ear to ear.  His little feet firmly planted on the pedals, his little knees pumped up and down with my pushing...he held on tighter when I went faster, and chortled in delight.  He truly has a chortle--a giggle that bursts out in loud delight whenever he's especially happy about something.  It's usually followed by happy feet, but in this case his feet were already occupied.  As we slowed down he began to inspect the bike and came across the little bell.  Something that makes noise!  A little boy's delight.  If you ask him to ring the bell he does with intense concentration like it means something very important.
   As I lie in bed tonight and listen to the thunder rumbling above, I realize the little bike is still out in the yard.  His daddy has given it a shiny new coat of red and white and I'm afraid it might get wet and return to its rusty former self. It's under our giant umbrella tree in the front yard, however, so I'm comforted that it will be sheltered from the storm.  I picture the bike as I last saw it, tucked under the tree in the bright, hot May afternoon.  I realize this image has formed a memory, one that I will return to whenever I am nostalgic for the days of little boy Nicholas.  This makes me sad and happy at the same time.

Day 1

Andy deployed yesterday morning, and it is just finally sinking in.  As I folded his laundry and put his things in the dresser, I thought, he won't wear these again for at least seven months.  Uggh.  That seems like forever right now.  I know that once we get into a routine the time will fly by.  But today it seems like eternity.  So the question is, do I start a deployment return tracker?  Do I tick off the days and watch the time get smaller?
We had to memorize the "days" as a Plebe at the Naval Academy.  How many days until parents' weekend, how many days until Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, graduation.  I hated counting those days.  Although the days passing indicated that we were moving towards something good, the sheer magnitude of the days left always depressed me.  I think that may be why Plebe year seemed like the longest year of my life.
I don't want these seven months to be the longest of my life--I want them to be lived, not just survived.
Thankfully, I have a sweet little happy boy to keep me occupied.  Nicholas is so much fun--full of so much excitement and wonder.  It is really only during his nap times and after he goes to bed at night that I have time to contemplate this time that stretches out like the shore of an empty beach at the end of a winter day.

Let's just count this day.  One day, to enjoy, to play, to live.
Baby is stirring, what games can we play today?

...and this is what we played!  Bubbles!

Finding the joy of cooking :)

I haven't really updated this blog as the previous title is still true for the most part--we are making due without Daddy around very much.  When he is home, we make the most of every minute, but while he's away, I find myself searching for things to fill the day.  Of course Nicholas fills up most of it, and even when he's asleep I find myself looking at pictures of him and reminiscing on the day's fun.  But I've discovered that I need something for me, separate from Nicholas, to enjoy.

So--my latest hobby is cooking!  I am still relatively new to the whole idea of cooking.  Somehow I managed to wriggle out of helping mom at mealtimes when I was growing up. I was so busy with school and sports that it didn't take much convincing that I had little extra time to help.  "But mom," I'd argue, "I'll have plenty of time to learn to cook when I'm a mom some day!"  Well, the day has arrived, and it's about time for me to learn!

I've always been intimidated by cooking.  Andy loves to cook and introduced me to the joys of food network and the genius of Alton Brown, his hero.  My biggest beef against cooking was the amount of time that I put into a meal did not equal the amount of time that we enjoyed it.  Cooking time = one hour.  Eating time = 15 minutes.  Done.  And then there was all of that cleaning up to do afterwards!  But those were the days when I worked for ten-twelve hours and then went to school at night.

Last summer, as the school year ended and I found myself with my first summer off since high school, I searched for things to fill my days.  I did a little traveling and catching up with friends, but as I was eight months pregnant, I mostly just prepared the nest for Nicholas, enjoyed the blessings of air conditioning, and enjoyed food network!  I loved the joy with which the chefs approached food--the passion and creativity that they infused into their cooking really inspired me.  I recognized the importance good cookware like sauté pans and dutch ovens, learned cooking terms like sous vide and braise, and discovered ingredients like mascarpone and fennel.  All of those cooking shows began to marinate into me, and before long I decided it was time to stop just watching cooking shows and time to take action!

Don't get me wrong, I'm still filled with a little bit of fear and trepidation when it comes to cooking, and I have to rely heavily on the exact directions of a recipe, but I'm slowly gaining a little more confidence, and actually beginning to enjoy using my kitchen!  I've discovered tools like the kitchen aid mixer (which I used for the first time last week) and how easy it is to make your own whipped cream.

With Andy on duty every three days or out to sea, I haven't had to worry about how the meals came out.  If my experiments are duds, I can always have cereal :).

Here's a few of my latest experiments which went really well!

I made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting for a playdate last week.  I love to bake and have to wait until I have friends over or I will eat it all myself!!

Rachel Ray's recipe for meatballs and spaghetti sauce was amazing the next day for lunch as a meatball sub!

Arugula salad topped with caramelized pears fennel and walnuts and sprinkled with goat cheese.  Who needs dressing?

Toasted Italian bread topped with mozzarella and fresh tomato slices and drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.

Never tried fennel before so I decided to do it three ways--watching way too much top chef!  roasted with olive oil and salt and pepper, thinly chopped and mixed with orange slivers olive oil and lemon, and sautéed in the same butter, brown sugar, champagne vinegar that the pears were caramelized in.

Alright, I'm making myself hungry.  Time for a cupcake!

Without Daddy

Without daddy this month we've been filling our days with playdates, Y workouts, errands, and experiencing new frontiers where no baby has gone before (in our house anyway). We have to stay busy or else we miss Andy too much. Nicholas has developed by leaps and bounds this last month, learning to crawl, pulling himself up to standing, and even taking gigantic strides when holding on to mommy's hand. We've had a few adorable photos, and some not so great shoots. I try to keep Andy up on the daily little bits of life that he's missing while out to sea. Nicholas grows so fast that even in a month Andy's going to find him a completely different boy. I'm going to put an excerpt from an email to Andy below that gives you a snapshot of our day--a day in the life of a stay at home mom--such an adventure!

Hi sweetheart,

Turns out the batteries for the camera's flash take a long time to charge, so I had to use the regular flash today, which is blinding for him, thus he's not too thrilled about my snapping away--as you can tell :). I decided, although these pictures are not very good, that they would still make you smile, even at how bad they are, because they are of our little precious boy. One picture had a time delay, so he is just a faint blur, which really showcases how much he's moving around right now! Today was fun--went to church like I said earlier, then he took his morning nap and then we went out to run errands. He goes down easily for the morning nap, but the afternoon one is becoming an epic battle and the evening is often just as difficult. Guess I need to study the new sleeping patterns of this new animal--a "toddler." I believe his species is defined as "one who toddles." He is so excited about standing and all of his new found awareness that it's just TOO MUCH FUN TO SLEEP MOM!

He is having so much fun wherever he goes--people just love making over him, and he enjoys the attention. He chortled in delight today sitting on the couch and chewing on a little cloth book--I tried to capture it on video, but I think the moment was gone. Can't wait for you to just sit and watch him play. It's so amazing to see him looking at a book that we've read 100 times like it's the first time he's ever seen it. He's really starting to play with his toys and study them. He is all about trying to move from one piece of furniture to the next, although he's very cautious about his balance--I'm glad about that, don't want him taking needless nosedives! Went out to Ihopwith mom and dad tonight. I got Nicholas the kids' meal macaroni and cheese with fresh fruit on the side. He could do without the fruit--made the most hilarious and horrible expressions over cantaloupe and pineapple. Then...came the macaroni and cheese. He just about fell out of his highchair with excitement over the wonderful, delicious, best food he's ever eaten, macaroni and cheese. I wish I hadn't introduced him to this not very nutritious meal...but now I can't take it back! He had his hands out to his sides like he does when he's excited about food, almost like he's guarding an opponent, daring us to get by him with a bite of that food. He ferociously bites down on the spoon and kind of gives his head a shake, like Djinn does when he's killing his prey. Then, if anyone gets distracted while he's being fed and doesn't do it fast enough, he gives a little trumpet of frustration. He kicks his feet about in happiness while the macaroni is going down, and he stuffs as much in his mouth as it can hold. Then, when he was finally satisfied, he started to notice the other patrons and smile and make eyes at the little girl next to us. He actually leaned all the way back in his highchair to see around her dad, and then just stayed like that, staring at her open mouthed and somewhat mesmerized. Her mom teased her and prompted her to come up to him and say hi and smile, and then he just looked up at her with the biggest open mouthed smile I have ever seen. He was in love! She gave him a little kiss on the cheek. Already going after the older women! Go Nicholas ;). Of course, she was a bit mousy looking with big glasses, but she was fun and feisty too. Her mom kept making silly faces at Nicholas to make him smile, and it let me finish my food so I was thankful for that! People just love that boy, and he loves people so his little world is pretty wonderful and full of happy smiling faces all beaming love at him. Wish we all saw the world that way!

Here are some of the bad but precious pictures that I sent:

Meet Nicholas Flash: too fast for the camera

What am I thinking of?

Look mom, no pants!

said with clenched teeth: mom, please stop taking pictures! Or I'll start making weird faces....

Like this! (I've never seen this expression before!)

hopefully not a glimpse of the future! Mom, let me out (of course he has an entire living room of toys to play with, but he just wants to hold onto the baby gate!)

Now these are the cute ones: Got a grandma kiss on his cheek :)

My sweet angel

Such a joyful little boy! Showing off his two bottom teeth :)

On the move!

We have been on the move this last month, visiting friends and family all along the East Coast. Nicholas has been a trooper, my little traveling champ! He delighted everyone with his friendliness and excitement for life. What a blessing this little man has been to me, especially as his daddy has been out at sea.

Memorial day weekend we headed down to Jacksonville, FL to stay with our good friends Amy and Chris and meet Andy when his ship pulled into port. Nicholas loved watching Connor, who is a few months older, crawl and cruise about his home, chattering to everyone. Nicholas started babbling more in response and immediately wanted to stand and hold onto the table just like Connnor!

We made our first visit to the pool, where Nicholas wasn't sure about the water at first, but soon began to love splashing and bobbing in the water.

Our time with Andy in Jacksonville was precious, but it was over too quickly. Andy's last night with us was wonderful, we ate a delicious meal at Barbara Jeans, and then walked around St. Johns' Town Center, a beautiful outdoor mall. We tried to stretch the evening out as long as possible before saying a sad goodbye to daddy.

We headed up to visit our family in Atlanta, GA and Greenville, SC, and had a wonderful time catching up with the cousins who are growing like weeds! We were blessed with wonderful hospitality from our family, and it was so much fun to see Nicholas interact with his great Aunts and Uncles.

We came home for a few days and then we were off again visiting friends in Alexandria. We had a wonderful time catching up with old friends, and again, Nicholas was such a trooper and traveled so well! He loved visiting Christine and Jon and playing with their cats and dogs. He laughs out loud when he sees a dog, so of course Andy and I want to get him one now!

I feel like I have a completely new baby boy now--all personality and on the move!

All of the traveling really drew out Nicholas' joyful personality. He seems to have grown so much more aware of his surroundings and other people, and he loves exploring everything! As soon as we got home, Nicholas started crawling too! It started as a slow, Army crawl drag, and now, if I turn around for a second, Nicholas is across the room! He's already mastered the two stairs from the living room into the kitchen, and I caught him working on the big set of stairs this afternoon as we were headed out the door. Time to child proof! I hadn't discovered that Nicholas could climb and pull himself up until he climbed out of his crib and fell onto the floor :(. I heard a loud THUMP upstairs followed by a long wail. My heart stopped and for a minute I couldn't fathom that Nicholas had caused that loud noise, it was inconceivable to me that he wasn't perfectly safe in his crib. Praise God that he was unhurt; his crying turned to laughter as soon as he saw the kitty cat. Needless to say we immediately lowered the crib to it's lowest setting, something we'd been talking about doing all the previous week!

We had wonderful father's day, thankfully Andy was back home long enough to celebrate with us. Nicholas LOVES his daddy--everything daddy does is so much fun.

Can you tell we love this boy?

12 step program for online shopping?

Sandbox threads? Really?

Okay, I admit it. I have a problem. I am addicted to online shopping for baby stuff. I've never been much of a shopper. In fact, I've always been a bit tight with my money. Frugal if you will. But now I have the most amazing thing in the world to accessorize --my baby! And what is more, he keeps growing and doing cool stuff that I can by new clothes and new toys for. But even with all of this temptation, I might be able to abstain from the shopping bug if it weren't for amazing baby-stuff websites. Let's just call them ABSWs. Online shopping has evolved since the day of ebay I've discovered. You don't have to hunt and search for baby items, there are ABSWs which display the hottest and best trends, new ones every day, and get this--the ultimate kryptonite for women shoppers...they're on sale! Yes, every day--at least 50% off!?! What a brilliant scheme. It's almost like shooting fish in a barrel. What woman hasn't gone weak in the knees for a good shoe or clothing sale? We'll elbow other women out of the way for a discount like this in the mall. Black friday, cyber monday, who cares? I have amazing sales every day emailed to my account. The links are filled with colorful pictures of happy babies and contented moms, just beckoning me to click away and discover what new discounted joys await. And these sites store my credit card information, which makes it even easier to complete a transaction in just a few clicks. I don't have to hunt for my billfold and perhaps take a few seconds to breathe and decide I really didn't need a third diaper bag after all. But the most deceptive and ingenious ABSWs add to the pretty pictures and amazing sales a third element which I find almost impossible to evade--a limited quantity! Yes, these devious sites know how our mom minds work. We like to shop yes, but we typically hunt and peck--we compare and discuss and shop around. But when you are faced with a limited supply of an item, one you just know will finally complete your lust for baby stuff (yes, I have to have another shopping cart cover--this one has a place for all of his toys to go!) and visions of other mothers poised to purchase this very same item, rationality and discernment flies through the window. This is so much more exciting than "winning" an ebay item...which is like a horse-and-buggy ride compared to this speed racing adrenaline rush of procuring your item before the "sold out!" label is posted. Sometimes I have buyer's remorse afterwards, but more often my anticipation is heightened as I get to track shipping status and know that some day soon I'll get a knock on my door and a lovely brown box will appear on my porch full of so much fun stuff to open. It's better than Christmas!

But I am getting better. Maybe.

Step 1. A friend shared a jedi-mind trick in which you consider the shipping cost. Typically, these sites don't offer the super saver shipping of Amazon--they tack on $10 or $20 more for shipping, but you don't see that until the last page right before you select order. Now, you might say that $10 or $20 isn't much when you consider that the items are 50% off and you're probably "saving" well over that amount, but I promise, it does help a bit.

Step 2. Not setting an alarm to remind myself to go check the new babysteal of the day also removes one of the triggers for my addictive behavior. Yes...yes I actually did this.

Step 3: Another key is to stay away from mommy blogs--which are huge enablers --they're always suggesting new and even cooler ABSWs.

Step 4: Call a friend. If there is anyone out there looking for a support group, I'll be your accountability partner...I need help!

So far that's all of the steps that I have. And right now I have five items waiting in my zulily cart...another ABSW strikes again. I'm poised on the brink...will I...be able...to resist??? Help!!!

but seriously--how can you not want to accessorize this bundle of cuteness?